I’ve decided to use my first couple of posts to lay out what I’m up against. I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining at all. With family in town and kids off school there isn’t really time to spend reading or working on myself. In my mind, however, I’ve struggled with certain giants or inner daemons in my life. I now realize that these are pretty much self made problems.
Anxiety has always been a major giant in my life. I’m talking like a 59 foot giant. When you have irrational fear, even the fear of walking in to a crowded grocery store, you tend to withdrawl from many things in life. I’ve always had my security blankets, so to speak. Whether it be my parents when I was a kid, or my wife who is very confident I have always looked for things to hide behind.
Does this make me a coward? Absolutely not. I’ve accomplished a lot of things in my life. I didn’t have help for college, I did it all on my own. After college I started a small video production business and had to find my own business until I found a full time job. I’ve also been quite successful in my career and am in a leadership role at work. I’ve seen flashed of greatness in my life but feel I’m capable of much more, especially in my personal life.
One of the ways I use the most energy is by speculating on what might happen. That constant worry is just plain exhausting. I could be spending that time running or learning languages instead of thinking about all the ways a particular situation could go wrong.
I think it’ll take practice but I plan to learn to life in the moment and take life as it comes. Not only that but I want to learn to actually enjoy each situation so life can be more enjoyable.
I’d love to hear from others. I’ve found that when I open up about my anxiety people I never imagined tell me that they also deal with anxiety. By talking about it and realizing that they’re not alone, there is a bit of a weight lifted off their shoulders. Please feel free to comment below or hit me up on twitter @timmyj01.